Hi Adam, how can I make my dog understand me? Specifically, yesterday I had a very bad day. I was frustrated with my business and overwhelmed with all the things that I needed to take care of. I ended up feeling depressed, and just wanted to be left alone. Sunday (that's the name of my dog) didn't get me at all. Although she saw that I was depressed, she just kept coming over and wanting to play.
I feel really upset about it, as I imagine that dogs have the capacity to know an emotional state of their owner and be supportive. Sunday was just super selfish, and I feel didn't understand or care about me. So I wonder. Do other dogs act the same way in these situations or does Sunday have some kind of issue that needs to be addressed? Hey there! I hope that you're having a better day.. The short answer to your question is yes, other dogs act that way.. Dogs have personalities which are an accumulation of nurture, nature, and many other factors, so there is no behavior that is "weird" to them.. just behaviors that are rewarding and behaviors that have not been rewarding.. Please remember, dogs (and animals alike) repeat behavior that is rewarding... ..So if Sunday persists in ignoring your unwillingness to play she's doing so because that is the most rewarding response that she has learned to do in the situation. So how did it become rewarding? Have you ever moved out of your depressed state at the same time that she was asking you to play? Yes, but not to a happy state - to an angry state. In other words, in the middle of being depressed, I became angry for a moment to tell her "go away" and then I go back to being depressed. Sometimes I do give into her cuteness and play with her for a bit. But that happens very rarely. So in this scenario, you are depressed (helpless) and she wants attention and probably wants you to cheer up (to be healthy).. Sometimes, her actions result in your being happy again.. which is a big score to her. But, even if that doesn't work, you still acknowledge her by becoming angry, which is almost the opposite of helpless and may look slightly rewarding to her too. Hey, Adam, I am sorry to cut you off, but I just feel that you are not addressing my real issue here: my dog doesn't get me! I sit there all depressed and want to be left alone. What's so hard about noticing that someone you love is depressed and leaving them alone? Would you leave alone someone that you love and is depressed? Hmmmmmm No. You are the whole world to your dog. She depends on you: when you are healthy and happy, she feels confident and strong. When you are unhealthy and vulnerable, she fees that way too (especially if you are the only other person in the "pack"). You can train her that staying in another spot or another room when you give a command is rewarding, but you can't stop the dog from being empathetic and wanting to improve the situation for their pack. // Disclaimer: The contents of this blog are intended for informational purposes only. The contents are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your vet with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition of your dog/s.
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Hey Adam! We have been working with you for over three years, and are super happy with how relaxed and calm our dogs are after your grooms! We are surprised though that when you come over, the dogs are not all excited about their upcoming groom. This is confusing to us, as we imagine that the dogs should just be all happy to get groomed by you! Why don't our dogs look forward to their grooms?
Dogs look forward to walking in a park, socializing with other dogs, eating, etc. Grooming doesn't fall into that category of activities that are fun for them to do. Dogs see grooming as getting wet without being able to run around and "shake it off", and having to lay, sit and stand in different positions while I cut their hair. For instance, the dog would need to remain seated or laying down with their leg extended towards me so I can clip their nails. This is not nearly as fun to do as playing in a dog park with other dogs. But I heard other groomers call grooming "a doggy day spa". I imagined it's like a spa day to my dogs? This idea is an anthropomorphism, which is attributing of a human characteristic or behavior to an animal. It is a marketing tactic to make grooming seem more appealing. Think of going to the dentist. There are gentle dentists that will do their very best to help you feel as comfortable as it can get, but you still need to sit in the chair with your mouth open. Does that sound like a spa day? All sales tactics aside, what is really important to me is that your dogs are able to build trust with me. A big part of that trust that I have with the dogs that I groom is that they know that I know that it's not a spa day for them and that I feel compassion for them rather than expect them to like it. Most dogs that come to me do so after showing signs of trauma from their previous groom. I am happy to be there and work with them so that they can heal their old wounds, develop more trust and confidence with grooming, and finally get to the place where they can be happy after a groom=0) // Disclaimer: The contents of this blog are intended for informational purposes only. The contents are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your vet with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition of your dog/s. Hey Adam, I have 2 dogs - a 90 pound Hound mix and a small English Bulldog. Although they are good friends, lately I noticed that the little one is trying to take over the sleeping spot of the large dog. She has a super comfortable bed of her own, with ton of soft blankets in it. She used to love her bed! Now, I find her every night sleeping in the middle of her brother's bed. I show her my disapproval and move her back to her bed, but it seems not to work. She just keeps taking over his space! Any advice?
First, I would like to know if this is a problem for anyone but you. Is it a problem for the large dog? I think so. He usually sleeps with me, but sometimes at night he goes down to his bed, and then he finds out that his bed is taken! He then lays down on the floor by his bed, which is not as comfortable. So he has an option to lay in your bed but instead he would rather lay on the floor. This tells me that sometimes he simply prefers to lay on the floor. But what about his sister? Why wouldn't he kick her out of his bed? He would if it was rewarding to him, but for whatever reason it isn't and it's his choice not to kick her out. As long as he has other options I'd say it's fair. Also, since this just started, perhaps your little one doesn't like her bed anymore. Is that possible? I guess. I saw this as her attempt to dominate her brother, but you seem not to think so? I really don't think so because sleeping is a passive activity. It's a very human concept to dominate someone in a roundabout way by sleeping in their spot. Dog's bed is usually where they put their head down. And if they want to be dominant, they show dominance directly when awake. // Disclaimer: The contents of this blog are intended for informational purposes only. The contents are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your vet with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition of your dog/s. Hey Adam, my dog often gets attacked or threatened by other dogs in the dog park. The owners of other dogs seem not to be concerned about it and I always end up feeling frustrated and helpless.
So what do you do in these cases? I pick up my dog and leave the park. I understand your desire to create a safe environment for your dog and in some cases escaping dangerous situation would be the very right thing to do! If you assess that the situation is truly dangerous, then sure, pick up your dog and do whatever you need to create safety for both of you. However, if you do this every time, even when the situation is not really dangerous but just a bit uncomfortable, there is a cost to it. If only avoiding tense situations, your dog will have less of a chance to learn how to play nicely, share a space, and make new friends. Secondly, the dog learns that the only safe place for it is in it's owner's arms or outside the dog park. The dog also learns that their owner is not confrontational, which usually leads to the dog feeling that he/she needs to protect their owner. When a dog feels that they need to protect their owner, they learn that they are alone at the dog park, left without any support system. This just reinforces their coping mechanism which is usually to cower or act overly aggressive with strangers and other dogs. Do you suggest that I become confrontational with other dog owners and demand of them to pull their dogs away? Imagine that you are in a wolf pack and you are being attacked by a mountain lion. What would you expect your pack leader to do in this case? Talk to a mountain lion's mom? Haha. No. By the time they would talk to that mom, I could be seriously injured or even dead. It sounds like you suggest that I, as pack leader for my dog, step in and separate the dogs instead of trying to find their parents? Yes. This feels uncomfortable. Am I allowed to touch other dogs? Of course. If you or your family are in danger, it's your right to protect yourself and your pack. And this is a crucial moment where your dog can either learn that he/she has your support- or learn that he/she is all alone. Can you please specify what exactly I can do in this case? Can I push away another dog? Can I pull another dog back if it is attacking my dog? Whatever it takes for your dog to feel protected and safe. You don't need to be violent. In most cases it's enough for another dog to just see that there is a pack leader around who protects their dog. I like to step in if I see my little Chihuahua can't handle the situation on her own and tell the instigating dog "she is with me". I actually tell this to them while I am pointing to my dog, and they get it. In some cases I needed to step in between the dogs and redirect the other dog away from mine. Don't the owners of other dogs get upset? Yes, they have, but the safety of my dogs is my top priority. I believe that your dog can begin to really enjoy the dog park when he feels that he has your protection there! // Disclaimer: The contents of this blog are intended for informational purposes only. The contents are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your vet with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition of your dog/s. Photo credit: Jordyn Roach |
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Adam is the owner of Your Passionate Groomer. He is here to bridge the gap of communication between you and your dog/s. If you have a question in mind, just email: [email protected] Archives
May 2020
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